Caution: Deep Thoughts. No Unsupervised Children.

That subject line is mostly a joke because I happen to think children are immensely deep thinkers especially when they’re unsupervised (literally and metaphorically) and that should be encouraged. but in my head, there’s a sign, and this is the deep part of the pool, and I’m witty. Clearly, an alternate universe. 

YA Confidential posted a DEEP QUESTION that I happen to like!

What’s something about life that you thought you saw clearly as a teen, but now see differently?

I thought happiness was a choice. And I thought happiness was a goal.

I don’t hide that I struggled with an eating disorder (and still do, but to a SIGNIFICANTLY lesser extent) and still struggle with depression and anxiety. I think for me to pack those away in some closet is to buy into the stigma that mental health issues have and it does a disservice to future readers I may have the pleasure of knowing. Inevitably, at least one of my readers will struggle with one of the same issues I did. I hope, either through my books or my blog or whatever, that I can be of some solace to that reader. So, I don’t hide it. For better or for worse. And if this is the reason I don’t get a job or I don’t get an agent…well, I won’t believe that it’s the reason and I’ll keep going anyways.

That being said, I don’t believe that happiness is a choice or the goal anymore. 

I believe that the pursuit of happiness is a choice, but that happiness is not the goal. I believe happiness is fleeting for most people so instead, I want to feel fulfilled in my life. I want to allow myself to feel joy, but I also want to allow myself to be sad and angry, and to understand that doesn’t mean I’m “failing” at life. I want myself to do things that bring me joy and make me feel like a better human being in the world. That’s my goal. That’s my pursuit. It took a long downwards descent to understand that, but here I am.

Oh and I have a new foster kitten named Percy Jackson. 

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